Nope, not a cowgirl, not a panda, and certainly not a Clown!

Dear Ava,

Nope, you will not be a Cowgirl for Halloween! I know your grandma sent you that rockin' Cowgirl hat and she sent you a cute clown shirt! You will not be a panda, and certainly not a clown! Yes, I saw that cute panda mask she sent you, also.

Ava, you must understand. This Holiday and (Halloween is a holiday for me) is what I look forward to all year. I am thankful that Halloween this year is on a Saturday! I have my DVR ready to record the Morning Shows on Friday. I just love to see Regis and Kelly dressed up. I dont know why?? I really dont. It is always so cheesy but I love it! Halloween is what I live for! I love the commericals, children dressed up, and the yearly Halloween party a friend of mine threw until he moved away. But, now I have you Ava to dress up and share my love for the Holiday with. No, it is not devil worship!! It is good clean and scary fun! I have already searched the world over for the perfect Halloween costume for you! Just let me have my fun until you get big enough to say "mom have you lost your mind? none of my friends wear those silly customs, you are cramping my style and making me look like a baby, I am not dressing up!" the horror!

I have such mixed emotions about you growing older. On one hand, I cant wait until you get bigger so you can feel my excitement as fall approaches. On the other hand I want you to stay little so I can live my Halloween dreams through you! You know kind of like dads with their sons and sports. Same thing basically. I have this strange feeling that when you get older you will decide you hate Halloween and love some other Holiday more! You already rebel against wearing shoes, drinking out of a sippy cup and you are determined to get to the cat food no matter were I put it.

So, Ava let me have this Halloween and maybe next year you can be a rockin' cowgirl, pretty panda, or a clown! Well, you will never be a clown if I can control it! I hate clowns! I have always hated clowns! I am not fearful of anything else but clowns and snakes. I will not share this with Ava until she is in her late 40's because if Ava is as stubborn as her mom she will dress like a clown everyday and have a roomful of snakes! I have been teaching awhile and I know what happens to children when they turn 13!!!!!! This is my blog of the day! Love, Bamaslammer... PS more to come on those evil clowns!!

Your slowness is stressing me out man! Hurry up!

Life as adult is not quiet as easy as I thought it would be. I pictured life as an adult as pretty much rainbows and butterflies. But instead I feel like I live in a constant rerun at times. The day to day activities are the same. I also get really stressed out if things do not go as planned and quickly. I no longer live minute to minute. Yes, I guess I am saying I lost the fun! I will get it back one day. I suppose. I really noticed I had a problem when a friend of mine visited and she just didnt do things fast enough for my world. I mean when you push someone out of the way because they are not running the bath water fast enough for your child, you might have a problem. And especially when your friend cleans your shower and you complain because first of all you dont need any help and second of all she might be trying to help but cant she hurry it up!!! Geez.. I have a schedule to keep and a baby to feed.

A friend of mine was talking today at work that when she goes shopping she is on a schedule. She leaves her house at a certain time and has each place she wants to go to mapped out along with a designated time to arrive home. I decided right then and there that she is someone I would love to hang out with! She is not a time waster and I would love to shop with her. If anyone has ever noticed I only shop by myself or with Ava. It is to stressful to cart someone along with me. They waste time by looking at things they dont need and I am on a schedule!

Dont get me wrong I love my daughter and would give up everything to see her cute face daily. But My life is a constant rerun! I really thought as an adult I would travel to many exotic locations.. Well, my exotic location is the Mexican restaurant in town or on a "fancy" night I love to go to the local Japanese place. Yes, I get take out because the waitress might be slow and it will get all over my nerves. If she is slow I might have to get up and help her because I need to keep a schedule. I am beginning to think that I am OCD or could possibly be one day.

I think I am going ahead and reserve my place at the "funny farm" Because it is coming. I think I am going to make a new years resolution that I will relax! No clock or schedule.. but it really is stressing me out to think of trying to accomplish my new years resolution. So I will just keep the stress of a schedule that I have! My child in the photo is stressing me out because she has an obsession with Cat Food and doesnt mind knocking the cat out of the way to get to it! I do think she thinks she is a cat! Now that is stressing me out more!