Sunday, October 28, 2012

Humpty Dumpty Sat On a Wall...




At my daughter's school each week the school  has a theme of learning. A few weeks ago the theme of learning was "Nursery Rhymes".  I knew "Nursery Rhyme" week would provide me with lots of laughs. My daughter already sings to the top of her lungs songs she makes up. This is my daughter's interpretation of Humpty Dumpty. Prepare to be wowed...

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall... (yes, he did.... good so far)
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...(yes, he did....good so far)
Humpty Dumpty broke his legs and his neck..( ummm.. don't quiet remember this...Neck???)
AND...........

HE LIVED...

This is my daughter's interpretation of Humpty Dumpty. I am proud that Humpty lived.  If this was me retelling Humpty Dumpty he would have not lived. I would  have said his Mom told him not to climb on the wall. He disobeyed and his mom and  fell off the wall and died. I am proud she has not inherited my dark sense of humor and is not completely damaged from me as her mom.

This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Learning to live again is killing me....

Really  killing me......I am trying to get my feet wet and possibly start dating again. I forgot what a pain in the ass it is to date. I miss the comfort of a relationship i.e. NO SPANX. 

Yes, Spanx was my best friend after having my daughter. I will never forget trying to put on a Spanx a month after I had my baby. I had a lunch date with some friends of mine who wanted to see my baby. I wanted to pretend that I was 60 lbs less than I was at that time. I guess I thought Spanx would magically take off all 60 lbs.  I remember vividly laying on the bed trying to get that Spanx on. What a freakin' workout. I was bending my body in ways I don't think it has been bent before including my young, fun, single days.  I also remember sweating like I had entered hell. Maybe that is what hell is all the "fun" women are trying to put on a dang Spanx.

Well, I made it to my lunch date 30 minutes late with my Spanx on and my baby in carrier in hand.  I learned a valuable lesson that day. If you are planning to wear a Spanx give yourself time to put on the Spanx and fix your make up after sweating it off from trying to pull up that freakin' Spanx.

Young girls take note. This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Funny Facebook Post of the Week

My friend, Chris from high school, Is hands down the greatest Facebook Post writer ever.... I will be sharing his post with you because he and his post are Awesome. I do get mad that I didn't think of the post myself....
 Chris's Post----"Just farted in my cats face now Sarah McLachlan is singing outside my bedroom window".
Thank you, Chris !!!!!!!!!!!!! This is my blog of the day! With Love, Bamaslammer

TMI..Maybe?


I love to read funny things on Facebook.. Sometimes I am really surprised by what people post or say... This is a guy I sort of  know. We went to high school together. We have some friends in common. That is about it. I think he is nice and has a good sense of humor. He was instant messaging me one day and he tells me this... Did I mention... I "think" we went to high school together. We've never had a  real conversation...

 My facebook friend says-----"I'm Really getting out there and meeting people. Feel kinda slutty sometimes. Different dates every week. But i seem to have a short attention Span".

Is it wrong that it completly grossed me out..
This will be a new feature of my blog
I thought it was funny... This is my blog of the day, With Love, Bamaslammer.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Teresa, Teresa, Teresa......



Teresa, Teresa, Teresa... she is taking the drama thing just a little to far. Don't you think? The best part is they all, the other people on the show take her seriously.  I really think I need to call Melissa and Jacquelin and advise them.  They could use a friend or two about now.

One thing about being a special education teacher is you learn a few tricks along away. One of those tricks is to not engage with the "bully". If you don't fight back they move on to another person. A "bully" is always looking for a fight.

Hopefully,  Teresa will move on from the ladies on the show and call out her cheating, lying, and abusive husband. Now- that is a show I would watch if she actually grew a pair and said, "I know you cheat on me, I know I married a loser, and you are ugly as sin." I wish that would happen I would be so tuned in. But no, Teresa is a pretend tough girl. If you notice, she always takes the easy way out, by picking on her dumb caste mates who just don't know any better.

I know the housewives like to stir up drama  to guarantee a spot for the next season. I do think you can cause too much drama which leads to the viewing audience being so sick of you and  want you gone. I think this will happen to Teresa.  I think Andy Cohen the creator of the show will think long and hard before he signs Teresa up for another RHONJ. I don't enjoy watching her and her gross husband. I think we have learned more than enough about Teresa and her family.

The show I might tune into is Teresa getting real. Teresa telling the truth, moving out of the house they cant afford, her kids not acting like brats, and Teresa getting a divorce.

There was a time when I couldn't decide if Teresa was an evil genius or an idiot. I have it figured out now and she certainly isn't an evil genius.

This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer



Sunday, October 14, 2012

Funny Facebook Post




This is not from my friend Chris. This is from a guy that I don't know to well, but his post are funny...

His Post---I'm not sure if this church will ask us to come back. I sang with my fly open, then used the women's restroom.
 
Poor guy..ummm probably will not be invited back.. You scared the blue haired ladies on the front  row.
Better Luck Next Time.
 
This is my blog of the day! With Love, Bamaslammer.
 

Malala Yousafzai-A 14 year old Hero





 14 year old American kids are concerned about I pads, cell phones, and x boxes.

This  14 year old girl just wants to go to school she doesn't care about an I pad, cell phone, or an x box.

How lucky we are to be born in the USA and have the opportunities that we have available to us.

This 14 year old  girl just wants to go to school so she might can have an opportunity.

When I go to sleep at night I feel safe.

This  14 year old girl never feels safe and never will feel safe.

I can speak up for my rights and the rights of others.

This 14 year old  girl was shot on the bus going to school.

Please check her story out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malala_Yousafzai

Did I mention she is just 14 years old? What were you doing at 14? I know I wasn't doing what she is doing that is for sure.. I was picking out my clothes for school and trying to figure out a way to stay home.

The  American news media has not covered this story much. They are to busy covering stories relating to inappropriate acts of teachers. Which are few and far between.

This is my blog of the day! With Love, Bamaslammer













Saturday, October 13, 2012

Some Random Rich Dude Just Put Me In His Will.....



Is there one true love in life or are there several true loves in a lifetime?  This is the question of the day.

I know people who met in high school and fall madly in love and spend their lives together. I know people who marry and divorce and find their loves later in life.  I know people who loved their spouse and are widowed who find love again.   They happily spend their lives together. I also know people who never seem to find the person they were meant to be with and  are in one tragic relationship after another.

Ive loved and lost and loved and lost.  Heartache isn't an easy thing to go through regardless of your age.

My first love was my college boyfriend. We became great friends and fell in love slowly. I cant say a bad word about him. I still have fond memories of him and the love we shared.  He is a kind and gentle soul. Although our lives took a different turn we remain friends. He is married with a gorgeous daughter.  I learned more from this relationship than I have from any other relationship in my life.

My second love is my daughter's father. I think the only reason I consider him a love is because of the daughter he gave me. She is truly the love of my life.

Fill in the blank.

The third love of my life is__________.(a blogger, Bradley Cooper, some random rich dude that is 90 years old,  or some random rich dude who has just put me in his will).

This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer

Friday, October 12, 2012

Is your leg still there?




My daughter's classmate in her 3 year old class broke her leg. The student is recovering and will be back to school on Monday.  One morning, I was getting ready for work and my daughter said, "Mom I need to tell you a little story, Megan was riding her bike outside and she fell. She had to go to the hospital and get a cast because she broke her leg. In a few weeks, Megan will go back to the doctor and get her cast off and see if her leg is still there."....umm.. I didn't correct her. I thought she could wait until Megan's cast is removed to see if Megan's leg is still there. Life has very few surprises. This is my blog of the day! With Love, Bamaslammer

I Gotta Fever..





This is just a Friday quick post. I love to tell stories about my students. They say things that just make me laugh. In teaching, you have to have a sense of humor or you would cry your eyes out or pull out all of your hair.

One of my students came into my room before school started the other day.  He had been absent the day before so I asked him if he had been sick. The child has asthma and when he gets sick  he has a harder time recovering than most people. I like the student a lot and I enjoy having conversations with him. So, I asked are you okay? I noticed your were absent yesterday. He said, yes I was really sick I had to go to the hospital because my asthma was so bad. I also had a fever. I said well I am glad you are back today and you are feeling better. He said, Ms. Bamaslammer, I was sooo sick and my fever was so high, it was a 198 degrees!  The only thing I said after he said  his fever was 198 degrees is I am glad you feel better and you lived.  I thought he could run that by his science teacher and the science teacher can correct him. I work more in the math department. This is my blog of the day,  With Love, Bamaslammer

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Hey Lindsay and Lindsay's Momma-GET A JOB!



Yes, many of Lindsay and her Momma's problems could be solved by getting a J---O---B! Lindsay is supposedly employed as an actress these days and her mom is her momanager. Okay, that is about 75% of the problem and her insane father is the remaining part of the problem percentage.

Lindsay's latest acting gig is "Liz and Dick" a movie on Lifetime showing this Sunday. I will be watching. I think Lindsay is talented and could be as successful as she wanted to be back before all the wrecks, car chases, and wearing her friend's jeans with cocaine in them (still funny).

I know wearing your friend's cocaine laced jeans is quite common and we all get busted for possession every now and again. Lindsay-it happens to me all the time. I have learned to pat my friends down for wires and drugs before I go carting off in their pants or cars. To avoid the law officials, I suggest you do the same.

After college, I wanted nothing more than to continue my partying days, sleeping all day, and partying all night on my father's dime. I was blessed enough not to have an enabler much less a slew of enablers that were funded by me. I tried to play the I want to "look" for a job this summer and just kind of take it easy. I got told not enabled. My father said- if you don't get your butt home you will be living on the street. OHHH by the way we have you a job working for your cousin at a nursing home and you WILL start on Monday. That is how it works with a southern momma and daddy. The "finding" yourself is replaced with "finding" your broke butt a J--O---B and if you don't find a J-O-B we will find you a J-O-B and you ain't gonna like it!

Lindsay is surrounded by people mainly her mom who continue to say, "Lindsay-you are awesome! Can I have 40,000 bucks?,Lindsay-Nooo you don't have a drug problem, everyone loves you, you have plenty of job offers coming in." ummm... NO ONE was saying those things to me.. "Bamaslammer..you are gorgeous, smart,etc." NOO ONE.. That was replaced by "What day do you go to work?, When are you going to pay us back?".

Lindsay- I'm sorry your "fame" days have passed. We all experience our "glory" days being done and over because some younger, cuter, thinner, former version of ourselves comes along and steals our spotlight. This has happened to us all. That is when the "shit" gets real and we must grow up. I can so relate to you Lindsay, our fame has faded. But the difference is I was made to get real... This is my blog of the day, With Love, Bamaslammer

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Hold Your Babies Tight....

One thing about a random blog like mine is I blog about what is on my mind. Most of the time my blog is light hearted. Today, not so much. I cant get that Jerry Sandusky creep off my mind. I am not posting a photo with his blog because it is just to much for me.

I work in education and I hear sad stories daily and I also watch the news more than any human being should. It is an inherited trait from my father. Growing up in my home, the news was on the television constantly and that is pretty much how it is at my house now.

It brings me to this question how do you protect your children from all the predators lurking and looking for a victim?

Jerry Sandusky he was found guilty by a jury. I can completely see how a single mother of a son can be lured in by Jerry Sandusky. He was a coach with a college football team. Jerry was a celebrity, a hero type, basically God like. From the outside, he looked as though he would be the perfect role model for a son without a father at home. Proven in the end, he committed unbelievable crimes towards children. The horror those victims suffered at his hands and the guilt the mothers feel is unimaginable. To know you sent your child into the lion's den. I cant imagine the trauma the victims and the parents live with daily. To beat it all the complete lack of a moral compass to blame everyone but himself for the victims pain. Yes, Jerry everyone in the world was involved with setting you up and sending your creepy self to jail... YES, EVERYONE, YOU CREEP!

People make fun of me all the time because I am so protected of my daughter. I do not allow anyone to keep her unless I fully trust them. I plan to be this way until she is older and can learn about "stranger-danger" and even with that I will still be overprotective. I realize when I gave birth to my daughter, I made a vow to love and protect and if protecting means you have to step through this "mean momma" first than so be it. That is just how it is going to be.

I can see how children are taken advantage of when people leave them with a random relative or a boyfriend. But what about those children who were walking to school, waiting on the bus, or just snatched out of the store. We try to teach our children to be polite and kind but I am to the point of teaching my daughter to never look at anyone when we are anywhere.

What about those children who have crimes committed to them in their own homes by someone who is suppose to love them. I pray nightly for protection over my daughter, my prayer is always "Please God Protect Her From Evil>". My father told me many many years ago if I didn't want children he understood. Because the world is just a dangerous place and children are really difficult to raise now. I so get what he was saying. He also said it is not really your child you worry about it is everyone else who could harm your child.

This is where I have a no-tolerance-old-fashioned-beat-down-southern-way-about-myself.... I wish for hanging, electric chair, death squad, and basically anything you can think of to punish the abuser.

This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer

Monday, October 8, 2012

Im Not the Pioneer Woman. ....





In case you are confused... I am not her... After completing a Compare and Contrast of The PW and myself. It is evident.... I aint her... I thought I would share with you why...In case you ran into my blog by accident and have me confused with PW.

1. PW- A Hottie for a Husband
BS-I am accepting applications for the position of my husband but no one is applying.(PW is the Winner on this)

2. PW-Her Husband is Rich and Hot
BS-I would be processing the applications if anyone was applying. (PW is the Winner on this)

3. PW-She has 4 perfect children who never fight.
BS-I have one perfect child that will fight with anyone that would dare to question her.( I call this one a tie)

4. PW-She homeschools FOUR Kids.
BS-Are you kidding me??? That is is the most insane thing I have ever heard.( I am CLEARLY the winner on this)

5. PW-Her dad is a doctor.
BS- My dad was a truck driver. (BS-I think I am the winner with this one.. I have a better sense of humor, Right)

6. PW- She has all these animals running around along with the kids. I am sure she doesn't feed them or take care of them.
BS-I have three cats that my daughter feeds and waters. (this would be a tie)

7. PW-She has two houses to "manage"
BS-I have one to really "manage"... (PW wins on this because I am sure she is not "managing her home" by herself.

8. PW-talks about drinking wine and wearing yoga pants.
BS-I drink wine, take medication, and wear my underwear. (I win on this)

9. PW-has a special needs brother.
BS-ummm.... My brother doesn't read my blog.(this would be a tie)

10. PW-She cooks.
BS- I cook because I have to cook not because I want to cook. I think I cook mean tacos... (she wins) I cant even pretend to win on this.

11. PW-has acres of farmland.
BS- I live in a duplex in a neighborhood.(I win because to get to anywhere in my town I drive a little over a mile).

12. PW- Sleeps in fancy hotels.
BS-I never go anywhere but if I did I would want to sleep in a fancy hotel (PW wins)

13. PW- has a cooking show.
BS-Nada (of course she wins)

14.PW-She wears those "fancy" shirts.
BS-goodwill anyone? (she wins)

15.PW-She gets up early to take photos.
BS-I take photos occasionally and never develop them. (she wins)
I am sure we have many more differences than this. I will certainly keep you posted. This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer


Sunday, October 7, 2012

Hot Mess Of The Week





Hands down he is the "Hot Mess of the Week".

Just the nerve of taking the time to write an email to a complete stranger and calling her "fat" makes you the "Hot Mess of the Week." Who does that? Obviously, this dude.

By him writing the email, it tells me so much about him. I never have to meet him because I feel like I know him already. I think if we did the research in his background we will find that he doesn't have the best relationship with his mom and/or sisters. This "jerky dude" just has to be single. If he isn't then I nominate his wife/partner for spouse of the year.

I think if he took the time to write her an email then he has a huge CRUSH on her. Why else would he do this? Obviously, he hasn't learned social skills, yet. This goes back to a cute little girl and the boys pulling her hair because the boy has a crush on her. In the adult world, this is the same concept. This dude just hasn't learned she might like him back if he calls her "pretty". I wish the "fat anchor lady and the jerky dude" would just get it on already. They have pent up aggression towards one another. Those two having conversation over dinner isn't going to work this out.

I am waiting on the "jerky dude" to post a comment on my blog that tells me I am an idiot. But, hey.... he doesn't read my blog because only 2 people from Russia read my blog.. (Thank You Russia).. See "Fat Anchor Lady" that is what we call a sense of humor... get one... This is my blog of the day! With Love, Bamaslammer.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Where to begin with this one....The "fat' anchor woman.

Exactly what the title says... Where to begin??? I have several opinions on this one. I also believe in full discloser.

Here it goes. I weigh more than I want to weigh. I have ALWAYS struggled with my weight. I am 5'1 and  when I gain 5 lbs it looks like 30lbs. And... To make matters worse I gain weight in my stomach. So, I get the "are you pregnant?" It use to bother me when I was under the age of 30. Now I just say "No, weigh gain, my friend". I am also on and off the diet/exercise wagon, Always. Currently, I am off the wagon and not happy with myself for it. It's okay. It is something that I have learned to live with. I do not like it about myself but it could absolutely be worse, i.e. I could be hiding bodies in my yard ??... Yeah I went there.


Against all the advice I received when I was pregnant, I did exactly as I pleased. I ate all I wanted when I wanted and if it was loaded with sugar even better. I thought some how the weight would slide off and my newborn would weigh 60 lbs. I am not sure why I was so insane? hormones? I guess? I always struggled with my weight so I don't know why I thought I wouldn't struggle with weight after giving birth.


I so identify with Jessica Simpson. I never thought I would say that. I wish I could identify with her due to her wealth, beauty, and singing voice, and her ummmmm acting? BUT NO!!! Her Weight! I identify with her with her weight struggle. And certainly, how she looked at the end of her pregnancy. I lack motivation at times and I allow everything to get in the way of my making the right choices.But this is life. When I waddled into the hospital to give birth I weighted 205 lbs. No, I did not give birth to the world's first 60 lbs. newborn baby like I thought. I came home with my fat butt and little baby. Three years later, I am at the weight I was before pregnancy. BUT, I was at my highest weight when I got pregnant and still haven't dedicated myself to getting where I need to be. I like the rest of the world have good days, thinner days, fatter days, and days where I need to not be bothered and left alone.


This brings me to the point of what the insensitive dude said to the anchor lady. 1. NO one should every comment about someone's weight. 2, A MAN should NEVER EVER NEVER EVER comment about a women's weight.. even if it's a compliment it just should never happen 3. A MAN or anyone should NEVER put anything in writing about a Woman's Weight, NEVER EVER 4.A MAN should NEVER EVER write an email about a Woman's Weight especially if she is the anchor lady of the local news. 5. The anchor woman should NEVER EVER publicly respond to an email sent to her privately. 6. Sure, Anchor Lady, respond if you wish, but privately. To be honest, I wouldn't respond at all. I wouldn't want the insensitive dude to think it bothered me that he thought I was fat. 7. Anchor Lady- YOU have to learn that sometimes you just don't need to fight back, just let it BE. Yes, I know it is hard and it it easier said then done. BUT this is why...


The insensitive dude will be a victim of Karma just give it a little time. NO decent lady will EVER date him. All she has to do is "google insensitive, jerk, misinformed, misguided, any random offensive word" and his face will pop up... So... Anchor Lady... MOVE ON.. LET IT BE.. Your Friend, a Fatty Herself... This is My Blog of the Day, With Love, Bamaslammer

Friday, October 5, 2012

My Virgin Dog...

Yes, this is my topic of my blog today. My Virgin Dog. Actually, It should say " My Virgin Dog was Raped by Your Non Virgin Dog"..Ugg... A day in the life of a special education teacher. This is what came up when I returned a parent phone call today. You just never know what you are going to talk about or how the conversation will turn out. Today's conversation ended with that statement "My Virgin Dog was Raped". I called the parent hoping to discuss student progress or lack there of student progress. The conversation quickly changed to a discussion about dog rapes. Soooo bizarre. But to be quiet honest, I am so use to the topic of conversation being odd it really didn't shock me so much. A co worker of mine couldn't figure out how the dog broke in and raped the virgin dog. He said "So, the dog opened the door and came in the porch and opened the door and let himself back out?" I said, "No, not exactly, Dude... she lives in a trailer with a screened in porch. The dog tore the screen and got the dog." "How did that happen?" he said... "listen it is a trailer not a screened in porch in a nice neighborhood. It is a trailer quiet a different story." Did I mention he is NOT from the South....We know how these things work around here..:) The parent also stated that she worked in every restaurant in South Georgia and where I needed to eat and where I didn't need to eat, I appreciate her concern for my health. She gave me a list of the cleanest places to eat from one to ten, because she has worked at them all. I have so many stories and so little time. This is my short blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer...

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Missing You...Plain and Simple

I haven't posted in a lonnnng time. This little 3 year old that I have running around keeps me busy. If you are my friend on Facebook then you read my post yesterday and know how I am feeling in the wake of the upcoming election. I miss my dad. Plain and Simple. My father loved Politics. He always had an opinion and loved to share his opinion with anyone who listened or pretended to listen. My father passed away to heaven 2 years ago. I miss him now more than I ever have. I miss his smile, laugh, and all of his opinions. His opinions at times I thought were crazy. Now, that I am an adult I realize how smart he really was and how much I should have listened to him. My father wasn't always present when I was a young child. He was always working to provide for our family. I think he always knew how sick he would become in the future and saved his money so he could retire early. As a teenager, I never got it but I certainly get it now. I always thought he was trying to kill me by making me work and pay bills. Now I know that has made me trustworthy, dependable, and frugal... Yes, frugal.. When he passed my mom was able to move on with her life and not have to worry about the everyday hassles that the rest of us worry about. What a good man he was. I grew closer to my father as an adult. But certainly not as close to him as I wish I had become. I do think that is a normal feeling after a death. I have so many questions that I wish I could ask him now. I ache for a conversation with him. Just to hear his voice.... He was a man of pride and always did what was right and really stressed that to his children. My dad's honesty at times was brutal and I am finding that mine is too at times. My father was a real southern gentleman. Although growing up, I seen him as tough, a workaholic, and a man of no compassion. As an adult, I see him completely differently. I see a good hanrdworking man who was sick more than he was well in his life. Ohh how I miss him.. I have cried more this week than I have in years including his funeral. I think I am finally realizing how final death is... He is not coming back. Not today not tomorrow not ever. My heartaches because my daughter will never know the true love of a grandfather or a father at this point. I do see my father in my dreams at times and it does provide a comfort to me. My father is with God and the Angels and I am comforted by the thought but certainly not healed. The world doesn't stop for my broken heart... With Love, BamaSlammer