Missing You...Plain and Simple

I haven't posted in a lonnnng time. This little 3 year old that I have running around keeps me busy. If you are my friend on Facebook then you read my post yesterday and know how I am feeling in the wake of the upcoming election. I miss my dad. Plain and Simple. My father loved Politics. He always had an opinion and loved to share his opinion with anyone who listened or pretended to listen. My father passed away to heaven 2 years ago. I miss him now more than I ever have. I miss his smile, laugh, and all of his opinions. His opinions at times I thought were crazy. Now, that I am an adult I realize how smart he really was and how much I should have listened to him. My father wasn't always present when I was a young child. He was always working to provide for our family. I think he always knew how sick he would become in the future and saved his money so he could retire early. As a teenager, I never got it but I certainly get it now. I always thought he was trying to kill me by making me work and pay bills. Now I know that has made me trustworthy, dependable, and frugal... Yes, frugal.. When he passed my mom was able to move on with her life and not have to worry about the everyday hassles that the rest of us worry about. What a good man he was. I grew closer to my father as an adult. But certainly not as close to him as I wish I had become. I do think that is a normal feeling after a death. I have so many questions that I wish I could ask him now. I ache for a conversation with him. Just to hear his voice.... He was a man of pride and always did what was right and really stressed that to his children. My dad's honesty at times was brutal and I am finding that mine is too at times. My father was a real southern gentleman. Although growing up, I seen him as tough, a workaholic, and a man of no compassion. As an adult, I see him completely differently. I see a good hanrdworking man who was sick more than he was well in his life. Ohh how I miss him.. I have cried more this week than I have in years including his funeral. I think I am finally realizing how final death is... He is not coming back. Not today not tomorrow not ever. My heartaches because my daughter will never know the true love of a grandfather or a father at this point. I do see my father in my dreams at times and it does provide a comfort to me. My father is with God and the Angels and I am comforted by the thought but certainly not healed. The world doesn't stop for my broken heart... With Love, BamaSlammer