Friday, August 29, 2008

Answer me this......

Why has Ms. Spears been overlooked for the Nomination of Vice President??? Brit-Brit I would vote for you! Don't give up year 2012 is the year for you! This is my blog of the day.. With Love, Bamaslammer

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Bill Clinton's speech was okay..

I enjoy looking at him more than I do hearing him speak.. I'm just sayin'

My best friend sent this to me today.

Subject: Definition of Hypocrisy,

I do believe the Democrats have suddenly developed a keen sense
of morality.

John Edwards has been banned from making a speech at the
Democratic National Convention for having an affair and lying about it.

Instead Bill Clinton will be speaking in his place!

Yet again, I am not a Democrat!!!! This does raise a valid point. But all I have to say is Bill Clinton is hott and that makes a difference in my vain small world... Just compare the two photos and I think you will agree... This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Hot Mess of the Week!

Let me state I am not a Democrat! I Love Hillary Clinton!!! This woman just cracks me up! I love to watch her debate. She just puts people in their place and I admire that! I do not agree with some things Hillary says but I do think she is extremely smart and would dedicate herself to the Presidency had she been elected! I know I will be disowned by my Bama friends and family especially my dad. But he knows nothing of this blog so I will still get my inheritance unless he finds out!

I would have voted for Hillary! Yes, I said that out loud! I love her pantsuits, the way she carries herself, and that laugh of hers!. I think she would set a good example for us working modern women. She doesn't take crap off of anyone well except her husband but look at him! He is still so attractive. I cant fault her for "standing by her man". Look at him.. This is my blog of the day! With love, Bamaslammer

It is about time someone beats his a____

....If only she would have killed him....

It looks like former football star and not-quite-exonerated murderer O.J. Simpson got a little taste of his own domestic abuse medicine at the hands of his oldest daughter recently. Arnelle Simpson, 39, “went berserk” on her estranged dad during an argument over his treatment of Arnelle’s mother and O.J.’s first wife. The police were called by Arnelle herself after she shoved her father into a glass cupboard, which shattered, causing cuts on his head. So you remember the incident of when his Classy girlfriend "fell" down at a gas station and was in a coma!

THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER exclusively reports O.J. Simpson’s daughter went berserk, attacking both him and his girlfriend!

Cops sped to the home of the disgraced footballer and Naked Gun star on Aug. 24 after he was attacked by eldest daughter Arnelle, 39.

“He was cut on the back of his head, blood was coming out the side of his mouth and his lip was cut,” a source told THE ENQUIRER.

O.J. and Arnelle had a war of words about how her mom, Marquerite, O.J.’s first wife has to work at Walmart just to make ends meet because O.J. gives her no money — but does support current girlfriend Christie Prody.

As tension mounted, Arnelle lashed out at OJ for ditching Marquerite, his high school sweetheart, to marry Nicole Brown whom Simpson was later acquitted of charges of Nicole’s murder in 1994.

In a rage, Arnelle shoved O.J. violently into a glass cupboard in the kitchen.

“O.J. hit the cupboard hard and the glass shattered all over him. He fell to the floor, bleeding,” said the source.

Arnelle, in a moment of guilt, dialed 911 but panicking, hung up.

Despite that, police cars were dispatched to O.J.’s house in Kendall, Fla., near Miami, after the call was tracked to his address.

According to the police report, Simpson told cops he didn’t want to file assault charges against his own daughter.

I just wish the children he had with Nicole Brown Simpson would give him a good beat down. I havent read his book "If I did it" but I will when I find it for .50$ at the Unclaimmed Baggage.

[From The National Enquirer]

Monday, August 25, 2008

Sam are you my guardian angel? if so...

..I am planning a party and inviting the whole town and I would like you to organize it and start the bon fire...

For any of you that knew my friend Sam this would make perfect sense. I went to Troy University with a wonderful guy named Sam. Sam was a friend of mine. He wasn't my best friend or close friend but he was my friend. Sam and my roommate Rachel are cousins and were close friends. It is a funny story on how they figured out they were cousins. Rachel was working at the local Shoneys and Sam came in with a group of friends one night and low and behold they struck up a conversation and found out they are related. After that night, they became the best of friends. I can understand why- they both have very similar caring and funny personalities makes perfect sense to me!

Sam was built like a linebacker but had the heart of a Teddy Bear. Everyone knew him on Troy University Campus and everyone liked him. He lived at the "Trainers House". Sam and his roommates threw the best college parties! The whole campus was invited and most students attended. There was no party like a Trainer Party organized by Sam and his crew. His parties were legendary and I am sure still talked about to this day. They sorta remind me of the party on "Sixteen Candles" were Long Duck Dong is riding the bicycle with the chick with braces.

Like many wonderful people Sam was gone way before the world felt he should be. I think of Sam daily and I am not sure if it is because I live near the beach and it reminds me of the diving accident he was in that paralyzed him or Is he my guardian angel? If he is my guardian angel I am one lucky girl because Sam has that personality that would laugh at the twist and turns you take in life but he would finally move you in the right direction. But like I said there were many people that were closer to Sam than me. I imagine he is quite the popular guy when people are looking up to heaven asking for someone to look over them. He had a wealth of friends and good friends at that!

Sam's terrible diving accident happened our junior year of college. It was devastating to his close friends and family and anyone who knew him. But Sam didnt let it break him. With the support of his Wonderful family he chugged forward with his life and didnt feel sorry for himself. Sam enrolled back into school, his mom took a leave from her job and went to class with Sam and took notes. The only complaint I heard out of Sam is that he couldn't read his mom's handwriting.

Sam was an extremely athletic guy. I do not know of a sport the guy couldn't play. I took a weight training class with him and he carried me through the course. Being paralyzed from the neck down is heartbreaking to anyone but to be so athletic one day and not the next is just something I cant imagine.

Complications from Sam's injury took his life a couple of years later. Sam's mom became my hero when she took a leave of absence from her job to help her son to finish pursuing his dream of graduating from college. But Sam's mom took on A "God Like" status in my eyes when she gave the most inspiring and heartfelt eulogy I have ever heard. Through her grief, she stood before a huge crowd and told funny stories about raising Sam. The audience roared in laughter through their tears. I cant imagine the strenght it took for her to push her grief to the back of her mind and focus on the good times she had with Sam. I have only met his mom twice. But if I ran across her again I would tell her how much I admire her and that I plainly see where her son got his zest for life! I am sure she would not take any credit and she would say "this is what I had to do for my son" or something very similar.

I do believe we all have guardian angels and I want to believe that Sam is mine even though he might be busy guarding over other people. I also know that in my mind he was taken to soon. But I do feel that God might have needed a Party Planner in Heaven and he knew Sam would be the perfect choice. The thought of him party planning in Heaven brings me peace and makes me look forward to meeting up with him again. I have a feeling that he is multi-tasking in heaven. He is greeting you as you are standing at heaven's gate. Then when you receive the all clear he hands you a glass of wine and an invitation to the meet and greet held later that night after everyone gets checked in. That is how I want to visualize his life now. All the same planning, greeting, and inviting just in a different place. This is my blog of the day... With Love, Bamaslammer

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dwight and Conflict Resolution

This is from my very favorite episode of "The Office". I couldnt stop laughing while watching this episode. I advise everyone to see it it is called "Conflict Resolution"... This is my blog of the day, With Love, BamaSlammer

Hot Mess of the Week!

How much do I love thee? Let me count the ways.... Jeff Lewis from Bravos hit reality show."Flipping Out".. If you have not watched this show you certainly need too. I am in Love with this man if only he enjoyed the company of nice women instead of men. But hey I could change him. I first fell in Love with Jeff when he made a comment about how he felt his assistant needed a hug but he didnt know how to do that because he was never hugged when he was little and judging by Jeff's actions I find that to be true. I love his dark side he was playing with the daughter of a friend of his and he kept throwing the baby down saying "Bad Baby". The daughter would just giggle. But my true moment of love is when he asked his assistant to make sure his coffee was heated to 120 degrees or maybe I fell in love when he wanted his drink to be 75% lemonade, 15% Sprite, and 10% Water. I think that is when I fell in Love with Jeff Lewis. I could argue with him all day if only he would give me a chance... This is my blog of the day With Love, Bamaslammer

Sex Education

I am thinking now that I am pregnant I should have paid more attention in my sex education class. But to come to think about it we didnt have sex edu. We had AIDS education class and it was taught by what we thought at the time the biggest Pervert that lived (God rest his soul). Now I know bigger Perverts and he might not even be on the radar now. Let me take you back... See the picture of me and my classmates...

We were in 7th grade and we were made to take AIDS education. We already knew all about AIDs and maybe a little about Sex. My teacher could not say the word condon which is a word that is used quiet often in AIDS education class. He said "Con Dome". Just like that. He said it over and over again. "The boy must wear a "Con DOME". I could not concentrate. I laughed the whole time and while I was laughing my friend and neighbor Shawn tied my shoes laces to my desk legs. How did he do that you might ask?? I dont know... good question. All I know is that when the bell rang and class was over I couldnt get out of my desk. I tried to untie my laces it wasnt happening. Shawn who is the one responsible went to the teacher and asked to borrow his scissors. Shawn was gracious enough to cut my shoe laces from the desk legs and I proceeded with my day... Maybe that is why I am pregant because the boy did not wear a "con dome"... I know that was a sick sick joke! This is my blog of the day...With Love, BamaSlammer

Tropical Storm is on its way and it aint .....

..Brit Brit...
We will not be having school tomorrow due to the rain and high winds expected from the Tropical Storm. This very rarely happens but I plan to enjoy it as long as I have internet access. I was made fun of today for stating that in Bama where I am from we had "snow days". Yes, "Snow Days" my co-workers thought that was the funniest things they have ever heard! I said well yall need "Hurricane Days" here.Because we will just be making the days up and that truly sucks!

One thing I have noticed is people prepare a lot differently here in Florida than they do in Bama. I left work today and my main mission was to get Milk and Bread at the store cause that is how we prepare for snow in Bama. To my surprise very few people were at the grocery store! I didnt have to grab bread out of someone's buggy while they were not looking or wrestle someone to the ground for the last gallon of milk. Sorta defeated my purpose for going. I walked right in bought my milk,bread, sweet tea, cookies, chips..ect.. I think you get the idea. Because if my power goes out or I am blown in the street I better have my sour cream and onion chips in on hand and my sweet tea in another or it is a truly bad storm.

I dont have to watch the weather when a storm is coming. My cats provide me with all the information that I could ever need. They act insane when bad weather is coming. All four of them pile inside like it is their last day on earth. One of my cats I see once a month suddenly appears.

We are all ready for the Tropical Storm. I have on DVD my new favorite show "The Office". I bought some magazines, junk food and cat treats. So we are all good in the Burch household! This is my blog of the day. With Love, Bamaslammer

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Dear Ms. O, Give Me Some Money!

I have started my letter to Oprah. I recently read that Ms. O makes 385 million bucks yearly from her TV show alone.. After I read that I decided to pen Ms. O a letter... I have started it but I welcome suggestions...

Dear Ms. O.,

I understand that you may have some cash you would like to "get rid" or "donate" before the tax man comes a knocking. I do, Ms. O. feel as though I am entitled to at least a million dollars of your money. Hear me out Ms. O, before you send someone to knock me off..I do have a fear of you and the Scientologists. I have valid reasons of why I am entitled to this money. I am only going to list a few reasons and I think you will get the message.

6. Your Best Friend Gail- she is just always around, Ms. O... she needs a life and another friend.
5. Tommy jumping on your couch- Why didn't you join in???
4. Preston Bailey-that fru/fru guy who caters/decorates for your parties He just bothers me no real reason I am sure is a nice person
3. Those lavish birthday parties you have for yourself you instruct everyone to wear black/white and you wear bright red. How tacky, Ms. O.
2. Rachael Ray- Now Ms. O., her perkiness drives me insane and I know she has to get on your nerves too!
1. Dr. Phil- YOU Ms. O are souly responsible for him and you must admit it! We the public have listened to enough of his his "downhome" advice for way to long now and it is all your fault.

Ms. O now that I have completed my list I really think the public deserves all your money!

I will wait for your response. With Love, Bamaslammer

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Somewhere Down in Texas..

..if your looking for me, I will be drinking in that great wide open sunset and summer breeze. I will be kicking back with my family...Somewhere down in Texas.... George Strait

I Love Texas. I do not know why. I have never been to Texas. I only know two people who have lived in Texas. But for some reason I love that state. If I move again it would be to Texas to retire. I just imagine myself living on a ranch and sitting in a rocking chair on the back porch watching the sunset. I Love George Strait and plan to live next to him. I know he will be dead by the time I retire but I can pretend. I could bake him a cake on his birthday. My friend Christal her grandmother baked Elvis a cake every year on his Birthday even though he has been dead for many years! I use to think that was wacky but not anymore. I am not sure if that is a reflection on me and my mental state or I am what I like to call "openminded".

I have my move to Texas planned out the day after I retire I will have a yard sale and sell everything I own. Or I will burn it like Burnadette did in the movie "Waiting to Exhale". She just loaded up her exhusband's car and piled things in it and set it a blaze. I love that scene! I own that movie just because of that scene! Man Haten- Much, Me?? No, way! I have always been like this! I am sad though because I am too much of a hoarder to burn things but I just love the thought of it! After proofreading my post, I have decided I might need some therapy... I am a little dark, I know but I think my therapy for today will be watching "Waiting to Exhale" and watching the possessions of a no good man burn.. This is my blog of the day.. Love, Bama Slammer

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

"Kaytee" is her name.. NOT!

You would think after carrying a baby for 9 long months you would get to name the child. I know crazy right! I go through the long process of pregnancy and labor and my fiancee feels that he is entitled to name the child after his mother! Yes, you heard me after his mother, Kay! Dont get me wrong I dearly love the woman! I couldn't ask for anyone better! She is kind, loving, and would absolutely do anything for me. I had surgery last June and she came over and took care of me! Not many people would want to do that because I do not like pain, I whine, and I am a big ole baby myself.

One of the first things Jason said to me after I found out I was pregnant was "All I ask is that you name the baby if it is a girl after my mother". I only replied "that is a lot to ask". Not exactly the words I want to hear but I decided to not make a fuss about it right at that moment. I would make a fuss later when it really mattered! Yes, that was so hard to do but I did it. Basically, I just wasn't in the state of mind to argue.

So, I picked up the topic again the other day. I ran down my short list of names I actually like and he makes comments about them all, usually negative. I say a name I really like and he will say okay and say the name and then say Kay will be the baby's middle name. I finally could not let it go any longer. I explained to him that my mother is still alive and I think it would hurt her if we name my only child after his mother. I am a lot more dramatic than that, of course. I explain that it will force her into an early grave, the child will not receive Christmas presents from her, and we will be disowned etc... All to make my point.

Jason replies to me after my long speech which I thought I had proved my point and I thought he would move on to a name that I liked. Jason replies " How about the name Katie?" I said that is a very sweet name and I love it but my cousin's name is Katie. He insisted "Katie". I said well I will think about it.

The next day I am at work in a meeting day dreaming and I think "Katie" that is such a sweet name and I am so glad Jason is really thinking about a name. I am so glad he has moved on from his mother's name Kay.... yes, then it hit me. Jason has one upped me again. "Kaytee"... that is how he wants to spell it. yes... he got his Kay in there and I wasn't smart enough to figure it out!!!! That Devil! So, needless to say the great name debate continues in my house. I will have a post coming soon about my mom and her name picking... :) This is my blog of the day ! Love, BamaSlammer

Hot Mess of the Week!!!!!!!!!

I think there are people in the world that need to be acknowledged for their good work with charity, their snappy comments, or their over all Hotness! :) And that brings me to a new feature of my blog "Hot Mess of the Week"... Anderson Cooper two words that make me go weak in the knees. I have an unnatural obsession with him. I could stalk him if only he would answer my phone calls/letters and supply me with his address. I know must of you are thinking "Why? he doesn't even like women?" Which is probably true. A girl can dream cant they!

In the clip I have posted you will see him banter with Kelley Ripa and I agree with Kelley this time which is rare. I Love a man that can go to a War torn country and hang with the rebels and come home and discuss reality TV with his chicks! The clip of him calling out Dinah Lohan (the mother of Lindsay Lohan) is priceless! I also love a man who actually admits that he watches trash TV and admits it on national TV, no doubt. I am not much of a book reader but I read his and it is GREAT!

Watch for a good laugh! I am a new blogger and I do not know how to post the video yet to my website. If anyone has instructions you may want to send to me. This is my blog of the day.. love bamaslammer

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

One Feisty Lady

My grandmother Olene is a piece of work, I tell ya. I am only saying this on my blog because she does not have Internet access. I would never say this in person and I hope my brother does not come across this blog and uses it as blackmail.

My grandmother was a women's libber before her time. When I became engaged she told me "you know you do not have to get married if you do not want too". Olene could give all of us modern women today a run for the money. I remember my grandmother cooking one time. She cooked me a sweet potato and I didn't like sweet potatoes but I sure wasn't going to tell her that!!! Olene use to love reading her tabloid magazines the trashier the better the Globe, The Star, and her favorite the Enquirer. When she finished reading them she would pass them on to my dad and then I would read them. I never read books growing up I read the tabloids! I knew all about Liz Taylor and her many husbands. Back then the Royals and Oprah were on the cover alot. At that time, I had a great Vocabulary I learned it all from the tabloids (mistress, Gary Hart etc). Olene knew all the gossip in the county and didn't mind calling people on the phone or inviting them over to share it. She loves the soap opera "The Young and the Restless" and she still watches it today because I can hear the TV when I pull up in the driveway to see her.

My grandmother worked. In the 70's and early 80's my dad was an accountant for a "Potato Gin". This is were workers went out into the field and dug up potatoes. The potatoes were brought back sorted and bagged. My grandmother "graded potatoes" that means she would sort the good and throw out the bad. I loved sitting with my grandmother on those hot Alabama days. grading potatoes and gossiping with her friends. I very rarely got to hang with her I was more interested in going to buy a coke in a bottle with my grandfather.

Olene never mixes her words if you want the truth ask her or she will volunteer it whether you like it or not. I have many examples of her truth telling. She has a picture of the whole family hanging up and she asked my mom with me sitting next to her "Who is fatter in that picture Shay or (unnamed relative)? " It didn't make me mad I thought it was pretty funny! This is the best example, My brother had recently remarried and he and his new wife went over to visit my grandmother. They brought her an 8x10 of their wedding picture. My brother asked her where to put the wedding picture. Olene replies, "You can put it on top of the TV if you think it is safe". Basically, she was saying in Olene terms, you are going to divorce in a couple of months and I do not want to go to the trouble of taking down the picture and putting up a new one. Okay.. if my husbands grandmother said that to me.. I would cry for days.. So my sister in law is a trooper that is for sure.

When my grandfather was alive my grandmother would keep him straight. She was always telling him how it is and how it is going to be so you better just do as she says. He learned life is much easier that way. I only heard him "talk back" to her one time and I do remember it like it was yesterday. Olene was chewing him out about something (of course I don't remember that part) and my grandfather raised his cane and said "Woman if you don't Shut up I am going to throw you out that window". I was stunned and was afraid that she was going to turn around grab his cane and beat him with it. She didn't she let it go which I know must have been so hard for her.

My grandmother is still the same today. She is in her late 80's and has an oxygen tank but that doesnt stop here. When I go see her it is like time has stood still. She is either watching the Young and the Restless, Family Feud, or the Price is Right. My Grandmother is also talking on the phone. When I arrive she hangs up the phone and gives me the low down of the town happenings. She will also tell me many stories from her childhood but I cant follow along because I do not know who she is talking about.

Olene also loves money! Do not go buying her a gift at Christmas! A gift certificate, maybe! But Cash makes her happy! I remember my dad bought her a washer and a dryer she insisted on repaying him. So, she went to her bedroom and came out with 1,000 dollars in cash!

My brother told Jason (whom I am engaged too) at a Christmas gathering to look at my grandmother, Olene, he said because that is who you will be married too in 50 years! I did not take offense I took it as a compliment! She is one feisty lady! this is my blog of the day, Love bama slammer

Sunday, August 3, 2008

No duh -No Epidural for me!

I am pregnant with my first child and at this point my only child. Pregnancy has not been easy on me and I am woman enough to admit that. I think nine months is way to long for anyone to be pregnant. But at this point it is what it is. I am very lucky to have such supportive people in my life who have offered me great tips because I will tell you I don't know what I am doing. I quit reading all those books early on and looking up things on the Internet because it will scare you to death. You will also wonder why does anyone have children! geez and when I see a bad kid I personally want to slap them and say "Do you know your mother carried you around for nine months and this is the respect you give her?" I really have to stop myself.

Women give the best and most encouraging advice that has brought me peace. Here are the bright spots of the advice when I tell people I do not know what I am doing one lady said "the baby doesn't know that you don't know what your doing". I replied Thank you and I will make sure I have no witnesses! The same person said "just don't drop the baby or shake the baby and you will be just fine". I know that sounds small but to me it was profound and made me feel better. It made me feel great yes I am out of my league but so was everyone else at one time or another!

Now let me take you to a "duh" moment. Jason (who I am engaged too) only advice so far is "You are going to want an Epidural". I replied "duh, no joke". But if I could move back in time. I would have replied "oh no, no epidural for me, I am a tough strong woman and epidurals are for weak woman, I will have it all under control and most certainly do not need an epidural". That statement would have sent Jason over the edge because he knows what a baby I am. He also knows that when I went to the Dr. for the first time to confirm my pregnancy I asked if I could go ahead and schedule a C-section. Which they told me "NO".

It just all goes back to men I think try to be helpful but they really dont know what to say... but they I guess I should give credit for that.. This is my blog of the day... Love, Bama Slammer

Luke Russert

"Tim Russert’s 22-year-old son Luke just got the kind of job most new grads wouldn’t dare to hope for: he’ll be working as a correspondent for NBC News during the upcoming Republican and Democratic conventions. The job is bittersweet for Luke since his dad passed away unexpectedly a month ago. Given everything he’s gone through, Luke still seems pretty excited about the opportunity. Like father, like son. Luke Russert – son of Meet the Press’s Tim Russert, who died tragically this summer – has signed on to help cover the Republican and Democratic national conventions later this year. He’ll report on youth issues for his dad’s network, NBC." I read Tim Russert's books over the summer and they were great! Tim is truly a great story teller and his books had many life lessons in them. I have watched Tim's son Luke interviewed on TV and the kid is a natural! He was so well spoken and composed not just for a 22 year old but for any age! I am happy for him and he will do the job well and I am sure he is humbled for the opportunity! Good Luck to Luke..Love, Bama Slammer

My Neighboor Vera

I have a new neighbor who moved in across from me. I have only had about three conversations with her. But I feel like i have known her all of my life. Vera is 84 years young! She has more energy than any person I know. She is always telling funny stories and offering to help me! Shouldn't it be the other way around?? Vera loves to go to church. She attends church with one of my neighbors. They leave for church at 11:30 am. Today I looked out my window and Ms. Vera had on the prettiest pink outfit with a pink hat to match. It was so sweet! One thing that is interesting about Ms. Vera is she is so friendly. She really does not meet a stranger. She has lived here maybe a month and I bet she knows everyone in the neighborhood. The funniest thing I remember about Ms. Vera is she told me when we first met that she hopes she dies soon because she is 84 years old and she is tired! I Loved it! I thought it was so funny and true! I am sure there will be more post about Vera. She seems to have lived a life we all hope to live. This is my blog of the day... Bama Slammer