Friday, November 21, 2008

Childbirth Class.....


...sucks... let me tell ya...

I could think of 1 million things I would rather be doing than attending a childbirth class..when I signed up I just didnt know any better... I am all hyped up on prenatal vitamins and hormones to know that childbirth class would be a complete downer and cause me to have nightmares.

Of course I called to register for the childbirth classes because a friend encouraged me to do so. The class was full in November and December but the instructor graciously let me in the class. My friend told me how helpful the course was and how much the class made her feel at ease..yes, I took the bait... Throughout my pregnancy I have taken the approach that the less I know the better off I am. In the beginning of my pregnancy I did read some of the books but they panicked me and I decided that if a problem occurred then I would then look it up or ask my doctor. Thankfully, my pregnancy has been pretty uneventful.

I took my friends advice and attended my first childbirth class on Tuesday. I was nervous about it but I felt as though the people in the class would be in the same boat as me so I didnt worry to much. .WRONG... first mistake...

They all seemed to a least know a baby.. I dont really even know any babies, anymore and I certainly dont have a clue to what babies do daily much less having a baby. I am smart enough to sit in the back of the room by a girl who looked rather young. I thought I cant go wrong sitting beside her because I am sure I know more than she does just because I am old.. WRONG AGAIN...

The instructor asked us to go around the room and introduce ourselves you know the typical information name, doctor'name, and number of children, etc. I would assume if you are attending a childbirth class you are expecting your first child... WRONG AGAIN...

The first lady states I am _ and this will be my fourth child! The panic set in.. shouldnt she be teaching the class not taking the class... yep, show off she is.. She went on to say that well I go to the "ROC" because one of us is older. Yeah one of us.. that would be her who is she fooling. I had to go to the "ROC" myself for testing because one of us is older also...:) noo, not because one of us is older.. Jason is older but I am 34 and that takes on a whole new meaning when having babies. I didnt know that until the "ROC" people kept asking me my age over and over again.. The "show off" went on to say "you know they send you there after the age of 25".. No, who are you trying to fool... That was the only part that made me feel better about the class. Is that the "show off" was paranoid about her age. And I was not the oldest chick in the class like I thought I would be..

After all the introductions were complete the instructor passed out a term sheet and a quiz. Jason and I got one right on our quiz well Jason did. Jason gave me the answer and I got to yell it out like I knew something. The instructor then asked how many of us had a "birth plan"... The young chick beside me raised her hand.. I felt betrayed I sat beside her because I didnt think she would know a thing. It turned out she knew most of the answers on her quiz and had a "birth plan". WRONG AGAIN

By this time the class takes a tour of the maternity floor. I take the tour and listen to all of their questions and the instructor's feedback. I realize that I know less than what I thought I did and it scared me even more. The first hour of the class I think I said maybe five words to Jason the second hour I didnt talk at all. I know, you know I was traumatized if I didnt have anything to say. All the color drained from my face and I was doing all I could do not to cry in front of the other childbirth class participates.

The anxiety was just rushing through me. Finally the class was dismissed and Jason and I are walking to the car. Jason keeps taking and talking. The first part of the conversation all I hear is blah.. blah... blah.. and then all the sudden he says.. "Do you realize that this is a level one treatment center? and if something happens to the baby they are not going to know what they are doing?" I dont think he realized what he said...obviously.... . he continued on and on and on. I couldn't say a word the tears started flowing and I couldn't hide the fact that I was terrified. I finally turned to him and said "Just Shut up" "Just Shut Up"! and those of you that know me know that I used many colorful words during my rage towards him. I am sure all of those people in the class behind us got their ears full and cant wait to see what happens next week when we return to the class. This is my blog of the day... Love, Bamaslammer

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Adrian,
I worked on the comments sections.. hopefully anyone can leave one now.. If not let me know... Love BamaSlammer

Anonymous said...

I can see the headline now..."34 year-old woman gives birth to baby!!!!" This could be CNN or FOX News material.
adrian

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure when your baby is due, but I do remember looking down at my big belly with David, and thinking...No matter what...this is going to come out! It scared the daylights out of me. And "back then", there were no childbirth classes, no internet to get information, and most books from the library had sketches instead of pictures! And of course, there were no epidurals, so I went " a la natural' with no information, and no "training". And I was right..."it" did come out! Having a baby is a lot different now. As Dr. Charles once told me, the "girls" lie in the bed putting their makeup on for the videos, and never feel the labor pains!

Good luck. From what I can tell, having a baby seems to be a breeze these days! Lots of information, training, and DRUGS!!!!

Mrs. H.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mrs. H. You make me feel better!!!! because I am scared to death! I should have stuck with the "less I know" approach.. But I am in the classes now.. I will see them through to the end. We had to fill out an information sheet and the sheet asked if we had questions.. I just asked how much drugs can I safely have.. Needless to say the instructor hasnt answered my question, yet... :) I am planning to do my best to have as much pain meds as possible.. I think it would be best for everyone involved...And if I cant just keep Jason to keep his trap shut :) I will be okay... Him thinking out loud is not good for anyone. Thank you Mrs. H!

Anonymous said...

Yes, Adrian I feel that way... Very senior citizen... But hey... I felt so much better knowing that I am not the oldest chick in the class and she is just as paronid as I am... :) :) The funny part and I feel for her is her niece is in the class with her and their babies are due around the same time...

Stacie said...

oh Shay!!!! It will be okay...I'll come hold your hand while you're in labor and sneak you some wine in after you deliver!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Stacie! You know I will take you up on that!!! Since your sister works at the hospital I will need all of her information and all of her numbers... :) :) I am kidding! I will also need to get you those radios things that our principals use..:) and I will get her one too! :)

TheiaC said...

Bama Slammer, you just won't do! From my "experience", as impersonal as it is, but of course, I've been in the deliver room a few times...you are going to do just fine. It doesn't matter what you know or don't know going in because the labor and delivery nurse will boss everybody around, including you!...after that sweet little one cries her first cry, you will forget all the anxiety (some people say you forget the pain, too, but I don't know about that...)that you had pre=delivery anyway!

By the way, if you haven't started to study up on the whole breast-feeding thing, you might ought to. That whole concept blows my mind. Another word of advice...if you feel like it's just not for you, breastfeeding that is, then DO NOT allow the "experts" to shame you into breastfeeding. They will try. My girls here at the house are always given literature from the health department encouraging breastfeeding which includes a list of celebrities who breastfeed! Then when the girls try and it's just not working for them, they feel like failures. Just my two cents for whatever it's worth.

Fanstastic post, by the wway!