Thursday, January 30, 2014

dark days....

I still have those dark days even though my father passed away 3 years ago. I still feel the pain of his loss. Anyone that has ever lost a parent completely gets this. I think that is why, Mr. Wonderful and I get along famously. He lost his mom to cancer and I lost my dad to diabetes.

Both of our parents endured extreme sickness and pain at the end of their lives.  We both watched our loved one die. I know that I feel as though I am blessed to have known he was dying and that he was ready to go to the other side.

At first, his death was a relief a very bitter-sweet moment. He no longer sufferers and he will be reunited with his mother, father, and brother whom he missed dearly.  But, the selfish me misses talking to him and his words of wisdom. I always pretended that I didn't listen to his words of wisdom. But I truly soaked up his advice and talks. There are days where I wish to hear his voice and watch him play with my daughter one more time. The problem with one more time is I would never want that one more time to end.

I think that is what makes me the saddest my daughter will never know the love of her grandfather. She will never know how tough he was on the outside but ohh so soft on the inside. She will never know the ability his children and grandchildren had to  make him laugh and make his heart melt.

I feel my dad's presence all the time and will share some of the stories at a later date. I see him and other passed away relatives in my dreams which brings a sense of comfort to me.  I am sure in my dreams they are giving me advice. The question is am  I listening this time to the advice or am I waiting to mess up and then take their advice? Is advice better coming from you now that you are dead? Okay that is a joke... Sort of a joke...a very bad joke....

Stay tuned for a weird story or two.... This is my blog of the day.
With love, bamaslammer

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